Pretentious Job Titles

Disguising Boring Work with Complex Names

Apr 14, 2009

It's been said that the importance of a job is inversely proportional to the number of adjectives in its title.

The British marketing agency OnePoll has uncovered some doozies of job titles. A “Colour Distribution Technician” is, apparently, what used to be known as a painter and decorator. A spokesman for OnePoll was quoted in The Daily Express on April 8, 2009 as saying: “The practice of dreaming up an apparently bonkers job title seems to have gone into overdrive.” He added, “These job titles are absolutely barmy. Some have been bubbling around for a few years.” But now, human resources staff have used their creative minds to conjure up a whole new batch of pompous-sounding names.

Fancy Titles Created to Disguise Real Meaning

According to The Daily Express, the trend is catching on because employers want to make hum-drum jobs sound more appealing. But, it’s questionable whether or not a window washer’s self-esteem jumps since he or she became a “Transparency-Enhancement Facilitator.” Or does the “Highway Environmental Hygienist” feel better about himself now he’s no longer a road sweeper?

Perhaps the creators of these convoluted names for simple work have consulted Bull***Job.com. There, the website managers have set up a job title creator. Those searching for a meaningless job description can chose one word from each of three columns and come up with, Senior Solutions Supervisor, or Legacy Functionality Analyst. And, who wouldn’t want to be a National Implementation Executive?

More Long-Winded Names

OnePoll researchers spent four months looking for occupations with strange titles advertised on the Internet, although most of the high-falutin' job descriptors were nominated by the people doing them. “Each title covers an ordinary, everyday role,” wrote The Mail Online on April 7, 2009, “which has been given a puffed-up new name by employers- presumably in the hope of attracting applicants foolish enough not to see straight through the ruse.”

Fodder for Comics

There’s a rich vein of humour here to be mined by late-night talk show hosts, but the British comedian Al Murray has the jump on them all. He bills himself as “The Pub Landlord,” and no doubt he employs “Beverage Dissemination Officers” (bartenders).

In his routine, Murray likes to engage with audience members about their names and jobs. Some years ago a man told Murray he was a chauffeur, “No you’re not,” said the unpretentious Murray, “you’re a f….. driver.”

The copyright of the article Pretentious Job Titles in Job Satisfaction is owned by Rupert Taylor. Permission to republish Pretentious Job Titles in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.